I’m not entirely sure where or how I’m going with this. But. As always.. I’m writing this to try to gather myself. So please. Bear with me.
There are times in life.. when we just have to learn to accept things. There are, in fact, things that we just cannot control in the world. A major on of those things being other people. This has always been a struggle of mine. Now, I know even saying that comes off sounding like a very bad thing. And I have actually been called controlling before. But, it’s just because I care, and I’m bad at dealing with certain things. What other’s often perceive as controlling, I call caring. I tell people things because I care. I try to be nurturing, and guiding, and help people by sharing things I’ve learned in life, so that they don’t have to make the same mistakes I’ve made in order to learn those same lessons. If That makes me a bad person. So be it. I guess I am.
It’s become more and more stark and I think it finally just had to be such an obvious thing for me to finally grasp that sometimes there is just nothing you can do. That all you can do it let it go. .. As I was saying. I care deeply about my friends and loved ones. If they’re doing something detrimental or that I feel genuinely isn’t good for them, I will say something about it. As I would hope any good friend would do the same for me. However, this does lead to my savior complex where I try fix everything and take everyone’s pain away and make sure everything is okay for everyone. Which I’ll admit, does get out of hand sometimes. Even with things like trying to give. I recently got a “real talk” lecture about how it’s just as important to take care of my own needs as it is to try to give money to those I feel need it more. That I can’t constantly give everything, because it isn’t my place to try to fix the whole world by myself. But, that still doesn’t make me want to try any less.
So, here’s the situation that finally made me realize. Sometimes… .. there is NOTHING you can do or say. So imagine with me for a second. This is one of your best friends in the whole world. Someone you love more than life itself. Someone you’d do absolutely anything for. ok. now that you’ve got that. Your friend tells you that a few days ago she got black out drunk, and woke up buck naked in a frat house, having no idea what happened because her “friends” she was drinking with left her there. Also, I should mention this friend is underage. … Now. Yea. Imagine being me and hearing this. I just wanted to cry. . hearing this is just one of the most terrible things ever. But worse; is the fact that she just brushed it off and didn’t even care. And maybe some of you are thinking, so what? And that’s great. I’m glad you feel that way. But this goes against everything in the world I believe in and that matters to me. Clearly there are Several issues here that conflict with healthy lifestyle choice.. But… .. Yea.. This has been progressing for years. And I’ve voiced my opinion over and over. And despite countless promises to stop doing drugs and drinking so heavily this still continues to happen. Obviously my opinion has 0 weight in the situation. So. What can you do. ….
Read this carefully. And yes. I’m talking to myself more than anyone.
You, Can, Move, On,
Your life will continue.
Your heart is still beating.
Your lungs are still breathing.
You cannot fix everything.
You cannot save everyone.
You cannot grant someone your values in life when they refuse to accept them.
Read carefully. And understand this. I mean it.
You. Are. NOT. To blame.
It’s not your fault.
You are not responsible for everyone.
You’ve tried. You’ve done your best.
It’s all you can do.
LET. IT. GO.
Just let it go. Don’t be depressed. Don’t stress over it. Yes. Maybe it breaks your heart. That’s understandable. You love this person so much. And you see them going down a path of self destruction. It hurts. But.. When you’ve done all you can do. You’ve done all you can do. People are going to do what they want to do. And IF you happen to be IN love with the person. I’m sorry. But you need to let that go. If they choose to live in a manner that makes you cry just to hear about. They are not meant for you. You are meant to be happy with someone whom you make happy. Someone who isn’t the opposite of everything you believe. I know the heart doesn’t listen to reason. But sometimes you just have to tell your heart to listen to your head. I’m not saying to burn bridges. But. Learn to brush it off. When they tell you things that are upsetting to hear, just remind yourself that you tried. And it’s not your place anymore. Move on. Change the subject. You can be friends still. It doesn’t have to destroy things.
But really. The one really big thing is. Don’t internalize what clearly is not your fault. I know I feel like a failure anytime something bad happens to any of my friends. But I’m not in control of the world.
Keep your chin up.
Keep looking forward.
You can do this.
Just do your best, and accept you’re not always going to fix everything.