Heart racing. Stomach churning. Head spinning. All because he just knows she’s near. So long he’s spent building these walls and trying his best to leave the walls and continue the journey forward. But he just keeps going back. Peeking through. Climbing over. Letting them topple. And For what purpose he doesn’t know. Entirely aware of the fact that it’s too late to turn back. Too late to fix what was broken. It’s impossible to mend that which has already been recycled and re-purposed. But still he just can’t let it go.
Despite every ounce of his being saying no. Against all that he knows is best. Against all the progress he’s attempted to make and against all logical though…
He goes to see her anyway.
Awkward and shy. Trying to keep her from noticing the pools welling up around the edges of his eyes; he attempts conversation. So relieved to just finally be this close. Having always felt invigorated by her presence he relishes every second. Knowing he’s being watched by those whom might call him out on his stupidity but continuing all the same. Without a care in the world.
This was right. This is just right.
So, Hug or a handshake she asks. He grabs her in his arms swings her down and gives her the most romantic I’ve missed you and I love you more than life itself kiss of ever. .. Sorry .. that was a lie… Lets back up.. He fiddles awkwardly; twisting his toe on the ground like a cartoon girl. He then reaches out his arm and shakes her finger. Sullen but accepting of the fact that the time for grand romantic gestures is long past. He lets his heart sink back in its place. Letting all the memories and the knowledge sink back in. That it’s all over. And that he has not other option aside from moving forward. She gives him an awkward hug anyway. Something to hold on to. Something to remember. And he walks away.
Yanking the rip cord, he texts his friend to tell him what he’s done. Trying to call in damage control to fix this situation. Trying to get a reminder of why everything is wrong. Trying to be give all the reasons he’s being so so stupid. Instead, nothing. The only text he receives is from her. So he tries to drive away. Putting as much space between them as possible so that he doesn’t go to her like his heart so resolutely and fully desires.
And then she asks if he wants to come get her.
This is right. This is all that he wants.
So, that is precisely what he does. And they go. And they talk. And all he can remember is good. All of the good things. All that was right. All of why he’s can’t let it go. All of why nothing else ever overrides. And why he is so stupid. Why he should have tried harder. Why he should have done more. Why he should have done all he could before it was too late. Even in the little things. He remembers how every minute was just what it was meant to be. How every second felt more full and meaningful. And little by little every wall. Every brick comes tumbling down. He went in to get a drink from the store. And walking out, seeing her sitting there, curled up in a blanket, he remembers Everything. Every last brick is gone.
All that’s left is that this is right. It felt so perfect and natural to see her sitting there waiting on him. And he knew still that she is the only one he wants to be sitting there when he comes out of the store, for the rest of his life. Just as he’s always known. Just as well as he knows it is too late. Still though, It is a rare feeling. To just feel as if everything is as it is meant to be. To be absolutely at peace. Walking and thinking. That is the most beautiful girl in the world. And she is mine. And then reality struck right back through decimating his fantasy.
While attempting to clear everything from his head and get it all straight he instead takes refuge in the fact that he is the happiest hes felt in a long time. That for the first time in forever his life feels like it has some meaning and for this moment he actually wants his life to go on. Wondering how it is he can have these feelings over something not meant to be.
Overwhelmed. Lost. Confused. Wanting to freeze time so this moment can last forever without consequence. He wants nothing more in the universe than just to hold her. Just for a while. And this confuses and scares him. And he is afraid of this.
It was all so right. But yet so wrong. He was too late. And missed it all. And now he is sad. The End.
adarkspot 