My dearest Reader. I don’t know if I told you this. But, I bought a journal. I have many leather bound books. And my apartment smells of rich mahogany… I’m f… ok. that’s a lie.. But my journal is leather bound. And so so fancy. It feels good to hold it. So. Often times. I write in that. Because my life has gotten in a spot to where it’s all bitchy mainly. But, a lot of it’s just stuff that I don’t want to share, majorly. Ya know? I have started to actually write again. You know. Like. creative writing type stuff.. But I definitely don’t want people reading that shit and judging me. So, I keep it locked away in my secret leather journal. Same as that letter I wrote and never ever delivered.. .. If something great.. or shitty. or average.. happens in my life.. I have literally no one to tell that gives a flying fudgydoddle. None. What-so-ever. So You know. That’s the way the cookie crumbles. … I love when people text me to tell me they miss me.. And that’s the only text I get. They miss me so much that they managed to make it through sending me a whole one sentence text…. I mean.. Can you feel the love tonight or what.. ….. whatever. Anyway.So the other day.. There was this mushroom cloud shaped could… which I thought was pretty cool. I dunno. Just thought I’d share it.. Since. I don’t have much about my life to share.. Um… Also.. Made a new friend here…
Oh, Right.. And an update from where I was in life.. Um, so, I basically had two other kittens forces into my life.. As an unwanted replacement. So meet F. Scott and Zelda. It’s not really the same.. But I take care of them and such.. That connection just isn’t there though..
So that’s that.. To skim the shallow surfaces of my life.. .. I got sunburned last weekend.. It looked like this to begin with:
This was prior to when it started bleeding because it fried so deeply through my skin that parts of my skin fell off.. I had to take half the week off of work because I shouldn’t even wear a shirt.. The sun and I, we don’t get along so well. It’s not really even a love hate relationship.. It’s just a hate hate relationship. I hate everything about it.. And it returns the sentiment. I hate hot weather. And I hate being in the sun. I was recommended vitamin D because I try to avoid the sun as much as possible.. Funny enough. Taking vitamin D gives me the same extremely fatigued feel I get from being in the sun. So. Stopped that shit in a hurry. Am taking some other things at the recommendation of my massage therapist of all people.. But, hey, most of it seems to be more or less doing what it’s supposed to be. And while we’re on the subject. I absolutely Love my new massage therapist. She is just one of my favoritest people EVER. First off. Just entirely professionally, I feel a bajillion times better on average. Seeing as I’m a tense person and she helps make my back and such slightly less shitty. But, it’s the fact that she actually talks to me and such during my massage, which makes me feel better. Generally I feel very tense and uneasy during a massage so it doesn’t really work. But she, very much puts me at ease, so that I can actually relax and benefit. Plus, strangely, I talk to her about a lot of the things that I just don’t talk to people about.. And I’m sure she doesn’t remotely give a damn, but she listens and is responsive.. so it’s just an all around healing time.
So, also, if you ever get funny looks and can’t figure out why.. check to make sure you didn’t do this and forget…
Especially if you’re a boy…. In other news. My hair is 13-14 inches now and almost ready to cut off and donate. So that’s exciting. Still looking for a place to live. So no luck there.. Still lazy. Still not exercising the way I’d like. Still working daily and watching tv all evening. The usual. and then this.
I thought you’d just move one when I got married.. .. Isn’t it weird that a ghost would be so practical?
I don’t know where the magic move on switch is. But I haven’t found it yet. So. No. It hasn’t just happened out of no where. It doesn’t help matter’s much that there’s absolutely nothing to move on to. But still.. When people say they understand love. But they don’t understand the fact that love will Never go away. … Don’t understand love. It just doesn’t work like that. It’s kind of like a fat cell. Once it’s there it’s there.. Save surgical procedure.. Which.. Yea.. would also be true of love.. You can shrink it. Try to hide it. Cover it up. Lock it away and try to forget about it. But it’s never just gone. Not if you were truly in love.
I’m sorry. I really am happy for you. Don’t worry about me. But don’t think you magically fixed it by become unavailable…. Which you already were? I dunno. It doesn’t really matter. But, nah, Lil’ Bunny Foo Foo didn’t come by and bonk it away. And I’ll move on or I want. But, I’m a grown ass man. It’s nobody’s job to hold my hand and take care of me just because my heart is stuck on something it can’t have. Unalike what’s taught today. I was taught to be responsible for myself, and that’s it’s my job to take care of myself. No on else’s. Maybe one day I’ll get in shape like I’ve been meaning to do. And go find me a nice shallow girl again to waste my time with. Maybe I won’t.
Do I want you to leave me alone? Fuck no. I want you to come curl up in my arms and tell me it was a bad dream. But, you know. I also want a Lamborghini. I’m not the type of person who get’s what they want. So, maybe I got dealt a shitty hand. Some people got worse.
Really.. The moral of this story is. The Sun is an evil demon that spawned straight from the depths of hell just to torture me.
Oh, also. No good deed goes unpunished.. The more good I try to do.. The worse my “karma” gets.. For instance.. Tonight.. I go fix this guy’s computer for him. We’ll call him a friend.. Cause he’s the closest thing I have really have to one at the moment.. But yea. So I get all his stuff working and all.. Magically.. go to get on my computer.. and it has magically quit all the sudden. Boom. Universe OBVIOUSLY had to preserve the balance of broken computers.. And since I upset the balance it had to be my loss..
I’m just gonna stop now… My last 8000 word post started like this.. and Got worse and worse and more and more cryful until I finally just deleted it and posted nothing. So anyway. I’ll try to keep updated. But I probably won’t. Not that that’s a significant loss on anyone’s part.
Goodnight. and Sweet Dreams.