So. I just watched the movie “Silver Linings Playbook” and I have to say it was fairly difficult to get through. I loved Jennifer Lawrence’s character in the film. I’ll have to say. I’ve come to have a bit of an infatuation for her in general. I really just didn’t like her much for a while. Her as Raven in X-men was kind of meh because I just don’t like the way she turned on X. But then, I just.. really didn’t care for Hunger Games at all. So naturally since everyone else was obsessed with her I just didn’t care at all. But after seeing the way she acts “in real life” and by that I of course just mean, not in a movie, because I’ve never seen her in person but you get the idea. Anyway yea.
So the movie was a bit difficult. I just know so well what it is that he goes through there. And I feel it. Mine is all internalized. But. I mean they really captured a lot of truth in his part. I’ve lived with it for the majority of my life. And. I think. What makes it so hard is. Knowing first off, that he’s seen as a crazy person. Just that.. he’s treated almost like a leper. And knowing that could be me if I ever slip up. And given the situation that sparks his incident in the film, I can’t honestly say I’d have ended up any differently. But the hardest part of all. Is seeing how has family cares. And tries to understand. And tries to help. And how she does the same. And that’s just something I don’t have. I have no one that understands it. My family, as stated previously – as a product of their raising, just believe that Most forms of mental disorders are just in your head, or a cry for attention, that you should just get over. So like most things in my life, after being told to just get over it a bajillion times, and seeing the way the act and talk about my Granddad I learned at a young age to just internalize everything. They don’t want to accept it or understand it and therefore never will. So, when a friend of mine finally talked me into basically secretly going to a doctor I just kind of tried to wing it. And so a regular doctor prescribed me various meds for conditions without any formal diagnosis. It was fairly easy to get by though, seeing as I have a stress ulcer from the fact that I have so much stress. So, he just prescribed meds for stress and depression and whatever. I didn’t like they way they made me feel though so I, of course, just threw that plan out the window and quit taking them. So now. I’m just back to hiding it all inside. with no one to talk to or share it with. And it’s so very hard. And it just begins to tear you up inside. And wear your body down.
Which is what my constant theme seems to be. Solitude. It’s that lack. The lack that this film just so constantly reiterated. That I’m missing that from my life. That I’m missing my Tiffany(Jennifer Lawrence). And it’s just hard and sad and more depressing. Downward spiral. … People are always just like.. Just be happy with yourself. No one can love you until you love yourself.. Bullshit bullshit bullshit. The movie basically hit it spot on. She was there and fixed him. She was what got him past it all. Sometimes.. There’s just things that can’t be fixed by yourself. Sometimes you just need some help.
Hopefully I’ll find me. I hope you find yours.
I apologize for the fact that this opens a new window if you click it. But it’s worth listening to. I just don’t think my free blog hosting allows for advanced html such as embedding players..
Somebody To Smother – Slow Runner.
you go out, come back
smelling like a sad song
spilt drinks, bar smoke
all that conversation
to find you somebody to smother
take me please
i’m in need of a body to smother me
you call once, call twice
show up uninvited
strange love, stretched love
sad love unrequited
wanna find you somebody to smother
take me please
i’m in need of a lover to smother me
i’m just a blank page
staring up at the ceiling
a target, an outlet
for all your pent-up feeling
wanna find you somebody to smother
take me please
i’m in need of a lover to smother me
you wanna find you somebody to smother
take me please
i’m in need of a good smothering
adarkspot 