So.. Just a few quick things about life here.. So.. the thing is.. and I’m very guilty of it. But. You can’t really control other peoples lives. See.. Most of the time. No one simply knows the best course of action for most things. We all just try to get by. We make decisions. Through the ages these questions have been pondered. Frost, of course, being a prime example of choosing paths. We don’t necessarily know. But generally everyone has a guiding force. Heart. or Head. or perhaps something else entirely.
The main thing I’m trying to get at here, though, is Don’t make decisions for other people. Don’t take their decisions away from them. Don’t try to force outcomes. ..
.. I.. well on many occasions… but, with a friend of mine. I basically just removed myself from her life because I felt it is what was best for her. And it still seems that way. She seems to be doing fantastically without me. But still. That wasn’t my decision to make for her. I didn’t leave for myself. I left for her. Always giving her some random excuse why I couldn’t see her. But, yea. I robbed her of that choice.. Which she had always told me wasn’t mine to make. But I did it anyway.. And.. I actually feel absolutely awful about it. As if I didn’t feel bad enough about losing a friend. I get to tack on guilt. Lovely.
To further push my grasp of the situation. Someone basically tried to do the same thing to me. They tried to change the way they acted toward me so that I would basically give up on them and not try to have them as a part of my life. And. I truly do understand now. Though they may make me angry and hurt me and everything else under the sun because they feel that in the end it will be what is best. They are entirely wrong. I endure it all as they push me away. Only to be left with that hole in my heart. Sure. We all go on with life afterwards. But that doesn’t mean it’s for the best. I think after losing a friend we all always have a tiny hole in our heart forever. A hole only that person can fill. Though the wound may try to heal. It will always leave a sore weak spot.
And this process. Leaves a lack of closure. And always a bag full of ‘What if”s..
So.. Basically. Don’t try to make decisions for others. If you don’t want to be a part of someone’s life because of your own reasons. Then so be it. That’s that. But. Don’t make that decision for someone else. Don’t decide that they are better off without you and then be the martyr. They’d rather have you than your heroism, any day.
Just something to think about.