My most recent realization on life is that people are people. Profound right. Yea, well let me explain. I’ve really been struggling with understanding this, myself. Somehow, my whole life, I’ve always felt like I’m the only one who is just entirely lost in the world. That I’m alone in feeling the way I do. Somehow I just always thought that everyone else kind of had it figured out, I guess.
I’m beginning to understand, though, that people have mixed emotions, and doubts, and all that jazz. Somehow, I think I’ve always put people into molds. Like they are cartoon characters. They all have a set personality and they just are who they are. Like a limited set or responses or emotions? It’s really hard to explain. I’ve always felt like the adults in life just one day kind of woke up being grown ups. Like parents for example had a hive mind. That they were just one collective person without any individuality. I’ve always hated labels. But sadly I think I’ve always given them to people without even realizing it.
I think this epiphany began to set in on me within the past year. Starting when my friend kissed me; her reason being “Because I wanted to.” Honestly I didn’t really understand the concept or why. I don’t know why this wouldn’t be innate knowledge, but I’ve now come to terms with that fact that if I can feel a particular way then others have the same capability. All emotions aren’t just black and white. Everything in the world isn’t love and hate. This particular set only having been recently made aware to me. I’ve finally come to understand for myself that there are varying degrees of attraction and caring. I’ve always been the All in or All out type. So realizing that there are other options that I can feel and that the same applies to others really was life changing for me.
So I guess the earliest forms of really understanding this came from movies. I see movies in a whole new way now. When there are romances in movies I now see more than just love. I see fears and doubts. Understanding and compromise. I see the desires driving straight past all the warning signs. It’s not just some fable anymore. I analyze the entire situation and try to grasp everything going on. The more difficult part has been applying this understanding to my own life. So, for example if a girl tries to offer some form of physical contact or if one tells me she can no longer be my friend because she has a boyfriend, I try to truly understand everything going on. It doesn’t really make the situation any different. It just allows me to better understand where they’re coming from. But, I’m finally understanding that no one has it all figured out. No one just knows exactly what they want with the slightest possibility of having that altered.
And then the fact that everyone is capable of being seduced by something. Using common grounds. Giving them what they want to hear. Spicing it up. Playing on desires. Leaving them wanting more. Everyone has desires however big or small they may be. Immediate or grand scale. It simply blows my mind to try to comprehend all of it. That we’re just all searching for something.
Everything is just a sort a chaos. And we’re all trying to deal with it in some way. Grasping on to whatever we think we need in our lives.
<I’m not sure I ever really got around to saying what I was intending to say. But it’s still an abstract thought that I haven’t entirely worked out. Feel free to give your input and help me out.>